In Understanding the Times Dr. Jimmy Lee relates eight qualities that are necessary for any person to be effective in helping relationships. When used successfully these core conditions can benefit all relationships. These qualities are a process requiring practice. We have reviewed seven of the eight qualities:
Today we look at the eighth and final quality: Immediate feedback
Dr Lee Says:
“Focusing on the health of the relationship, this quality deals with the immediate relationship between two people. Immediate feedback cannot be effective without regular use of the other core conditions. This quality represents understanding of each other, warm acceptance, dealing with specifics, and genuineness, reflection on each other’s feelings, and confrontation when necessary.
Immediate feedback is necessary to prevent walls from being built in a relationship. This helps individuals keep in touch with possible delusions that could develop. Paul worked hard to prevent walls from being built between himself and others. “Even if I caused you to sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it. Though I did regret it – I see that my letter hurt you, but only for a little while – yet now I am happy, not because you were made sorry, but because your sorrow led to repentance” (2 Corinthians 7:8-9).”
The Teen Challenge residential program facilitates an excellent environment for providing immediate feedback. As staff are involved with the students in every part of their lives, from wake-up to lights out (and sometimes even after lights out), we are able to observe behaviors that need and deserve (yes deserve) immediate feedback.
Throughout the day we observe the specific behaviors and conversions of students that serve as opportunities to point out and illustrate issues that we have discussed with the student, actions that are selfish, destructive, etc. You do not have to be rude or embarrass the student when giving immediate feedback. Done lovingly and consistently this is a life-changing part of the Teen Challenge ministry.
I mentioned the behavior that “deserves” immediate feedback. I was referring to the positive behaviors of the students. When we observe positive behavior and improvement we need to be sure to reinforce it with praise and encouragement. Take time to be specific when you describe the positive behavior and growth you have seen. We all need encouragement. The students need to hear this from us just as much, if not more than, the confrontation of the negative. The confrontational feedback comes more natural for most of us. Be sure that you are not neglecting the positive feedback.
Think about it –
- Do you give confrontational feedback in a constructive way?
- Are you watching for opportunities to be proactive in giving positive feedback?
