Foundation for Transformation: Getting to Know You

A student completed an induction center and transferred to the center where I was serving as the director. He had been in the program for about 5 months, prior to transferring to our ministry. Even though, as director, I was not assigned students to counsel, I still tried to spend time with students and get to know them. My favorite thing to do was to take a student with me when I ran errands. It was a way to let them disconnect from the program for a few moments and it allowed me the opportunity to get to know them better. While running errands with a student, I would stop either for coffee or lunch so that we could have more undistracted time and I could focus on the student. I would let the student choose the kind of food they would like to eat.

On one particular occasion, the student that was with me that day said that he missed Chinese food. I knew exactly the place to go, a nearby popular Chinese restaurant. It was always busy at lunch. During our time together, I asked him questions about himself, his family, etc. It was not an interrogation but rather a casual conversation to get to know him better. A few minutes into our egg drop soup and fried rice he began to cry. My initial reaction was to look around the busy restaurant to see if anyone was looking; it was a little awkward, a 50+ year old man crying in the middle of the restaurant.  After a minute, I asked him if he was ok. I will never forget his response, “This is the first time since I’ve been in the program that anyone has ever taken the time to get to know me.”

Needless to say my heart was broken. That one moment convicted me and rebuked our ministry. We had to reevaluate what we were doing.

In another situation, I had a staff member that I had hired from a different ministry who shared with me that, as a TC student, when he got to his training center that he had a staff member introduce himself as his counselor and told him that he would be meeting with him on a regular basis. He said the “counselor” never talked to him again even though he saw the staff member around the program all the time. My staff member credited his completing that program to one thing – a personal encounter with the presence of Christ. God touched him, despite the poor quality of personal ministry.

How many students end up leaving our programs further disillusioned with God and Christianity as a result of our carelessness?  We can’t just depend on Jesus to rescue our students from our neglect. We must take ownership of our responsibilities. God should not have to work around us; he should be able to work through us! We must strive to honor God by honoring the students he has entrusted to our care.

One key way for you to honor your students is by spending time with them for the simple purpose of getting to know them. Leave your personal agenda behind and discover what interests the student. Talk about what they want to talk about. Then ask questions that show you are paying attention and that you want to learn more. Listen to their story. Seal your lips about yourself. Only use comments and questions that encourage more information about the student and their interests. As Paul tells us in Philippians 2:3-4, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” (NIV)

Not every staff member can spend time with every student; we all know that. Have a system to ensure that every student has someone that will get to know them. If none of your staff have time to get to know your students, then, as a team, reevaluate and reprioritize your ministry. Discipleship and evangelism are relational, so if you don’t have time for relationship, you will not have effective evangelism or discipleship happening on your campus.

By investing time and focus on building relationships, you are truly tearing down barriers, building healthy  connections and mutual respect, and laying the foundation for transformation. When you take time to get to know your students, you create fertile soil for the Holy Spirit’s work. 

What happened to the student who cried with me in the Chinese restaurant? The last time I spent time with him, he was working at a Christian bookstore and was an engaged member of the Body of Christ!

“Do for one what you wish you could do for everyone.” – Andy Stanley

Discuss-Evaluate-Execute

  • Read the article with your team and list all the practical steps that you can identify.
  • Brainstorm and list other practical ways to build connections with and get to know your students. 
  • List the steps that you will work on and in a few words describe how you will implement it. 
  • Choose one student to spend time with this week. 
  • Write their name down now and set a time that you know you can spend with them.
  • Develop a plan, an ongoing system, for your ministry for how you will spend time with your students

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