In Understanding the Times, Dr. Jimmy Lee relates eight qualities that are necessary for any person to be effective in helping relationships. When used successfully these core conditions can benefit all relationships. These qualities are a process requiring practice. We have reviewed six of the eight qualities:
Today we look at the seventh quality: Confrontation
Dr Lee Says:
“It is not accident that this quality is listed near the end of the eight core conditions in helping. There must be a display of the previous conditions such as empathy, warmth, and respect before a relationship can benefit form confrontation. Careful confrontation can be helpful in bringing about action and accountability after the helper has won the right to be heard.
The helper must be careful not to be harsh in his conformation of a person who has a life-controlling problem. “Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted” (Galatians 6:1). Confrontation should not be used as a means of power or control. It should be done with sensitivity with the purpose of helping the person break out of delusion and grow in Christ.”
How do you want to be confronted? If you can answer that question, then you will know how to confront. I think I read something somewhere once about how we are supposed to treat other people like we want to be treated. You probably read that somewhere to. HA! Now can we do it?
Obviously we know that the real job of confrontation belongs to the Holy Spirit. He is the only one who brings sin to light in a way that will bring a person to repentance and surrender that results in true freedom. So, I believe our key responsibility is prayer. (More on that another time.) However that does not negate our responsibility – especially in the role God has placed us in the student’s lives. See Galatians 6:1 above!
Effective confrontation is a very important part of the Teen Challenge ministry. Delusion and denial are key components of addiction. Getting an addict to see their weakness, problems and sin is a challenge. Many see their use of drugs or alcohol as the issue they need to address. They often do not want to or can’t see below the surface problem to see the real underlying issues and sin.
With people who are emotionally and psychologically healthy, you can “beat around the bush” to make a point and they will often pick-up on what you are trying to say. However, with a person who is in denial and delusion, you must be specific and blunt and often you will need to do it repetitively. Use problem situations that arise with the student to illustrate what you are trying to get them to see.
When confrontation is done with a true motive of love (not anger – The wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. – I read that in the same place I read that other thing.) and is bathed in prayer, we are fulfilling our responsibility. The results are in God’s hands.
If you have never read “Caring Enough to Confront” By David Augsburger, I highly recommend it.
