True discipleship can never be a mass production assembly line. We have become an institution when we have a low staff to student relationship ratio and expect the program or the “process” to disciple and nurture the students; go to class, go to chapel, go to your counseling session, go pray, got work, obey me and in 12 months you will be a new person. all of those things are not necessarily bad, although they can be if they are not conducted in the context of healthy relationship.

The truth is that discipleship is relational. People are not clones so discipleship is not cookie-cutter. We are all different in personality, calling, fighting, struggles, wounds and destiny, so discipleship is more personal, one-on-one, individualized and messy! Discipleship is individual and relational and as such, requires healthy relationships.

I often think of the staff-student discipleship relationship much like a parent-child relationship (not that it is a perfect analogy). No matter what we teach our children they are becoming who we are. Although our adult TC students are more independent in their thinking, they are observing our lives much more than listening to our words.

I watched a parent reprimand his child for a small infraction. Being impatient, the parent was overreacting with intimidating anger. I was thinking, “Do you realize what you are really teaching your child?” What do you think is being ingrained on that child’s brain and life? You are teaching them a lot more by HOW  you are behaving than WHAT you are saying. And so it is with the relationship between students and staff members.

In this context, consider the following quotes and scriptures.

“Don’t worry that children never listen to you. Worry that they are always watching you. Our children usually become what we are, so it helps if we can be what we want them to be.” – Justin Coulson

“And you yourself must be an example to them by doing good works of every kind. Let everything you do reflect the integrity and seriousness of your teaching.” – Titus 2;7 NLT

“. . .Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you life, in your love, your faith, and your purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

“And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.” 1 Corinthians 1:11 NLT

Facilitators Creed: You teach some by what you say, teach more by what you do, but most of all, you teach by who you are.

Simply stated, we teach more by the way we behave (how) and our attitude (why) than by our intended outcome (what). “What” is secondary.

I’ve said that 2 Timothy 2;24-26 is a Teen Challenge staff member job description. Notice that it speaks more to the “how” and “why” than the “what.”

“A servant of the Lord must not quarrel, but must be kind to everyone, be able to teach, and be patient with difficult people. Gently instruct those who oppose the truth. Perhaps God will change those people’s hearts, and they will learn the truth. Then they will come to their senses and escape from the devil’s trap. For they have been held captive by him to do whatever he wants.” – NLT