I’m thinking now of the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. When Goldilocks tests the beds, she discovered that one is too hard, one is too soft, and then she discovers the last one is “just right.” When a student enters the program they are subject to the hardness, softness or “just rightness” of the staff.

How do we relate to the Teen Challenge students under our care especially with regards to correction and discipline? Some staff can be too hard and some staff can tend to be too soft. It is rare to find a staff member that has a “just right” balance to instructing, correcting and disciplining students. Where do you fall in that balance?

I have often said that being a Teen Challenge staff member is very much like being a parent. A parent wants to have fun with their kids, wants to have a positive influence and at the same time must set boundaries and consequences. For many it is difficult to find the balance. When discussing student discipline it is important to start with ourselves – the discipliners – by doing self-examination.  We should carefully examine our underlying attitudes, perceptions and subsequent behaviors.

Too hard
It seems that some staff members fall to the extreme of being a harsh authority. They demand respect. Discipline and correction are done in anger, as if to say, the reason I am disciplining you is because you made me angry. The staff feels it is their job to straighten out the student. Their focus seems to be on the rules and the structure and not on the students. The staff often gives discipline before hearing the whole story. No time is taken for correction and instruction, rather “just do what I told you to do.” Grace is not communicated. The staff can be perceived as cold and uncaring.

Too soft
It seems that some staff members fall to the extreme of just wanting to be buddies with the students. The staff member wants the students to like him/her rather than respect him/her. This staff member will often completely overlook wrongdoings or just laugh them off. The staff avoids opportunity for correction and instruction. This staff does not understand the importance of boundaries. The rules are often a joke especially if other staff members are not around. If they do write the student up it may be with an apology. He/she may be afraid of confrontation therefore wants to avoid it at all costs.

Balance
I have always said the most effective staff I have worked with, the staff that the students responded to with the most respect, were the staff members who found the balance. They were firm and loving, not too soft and not too harsh. The students saw clear boundaries set by these staff members and respected them. The staff was not wishy-washy, that is, sometimes enforcing a rule and sometimes not enforcing it and did not show favoritism. They take time to hear the student’s story. They take time to clearly explain and offer insightful correction and instruction. They show respect for the student even while issuing discipline.

Correction and discipline will be better received when we have worked to build healthy student relationships that earn the right to be heard. Respect must be earned.

I would like to add that even the best most balanced staff members are still not always received. Students with unresolved issues will often reject any attempt at correction no matter how well placed. But let’s do our part to do the best we can to be the best representative of Christ that we can be to our students. Every one of us leans to one side or the other and must work to find the balance. We must work to develop attitudes and behaviors that create an effective discipleship culture.

Think about it

• Where would you mark yourself on the balance chart?
• Where would fellow staff or mature students mark you?
• How was I disciplined as a child?
• How was I disciplined as a student in the program?
• How have these experiences influenced my attitudes and behaviors in discipline?
• Where do I need to change?
• What is one step I can take today to move towards balance?

Help for both those who are “too soft” and “too hard” I strongly recommend the book: Caring Enough to Confront by David Augsburger as a starting point.