In the previous article entitled “Are you going to be sued?”, I reviewed research that emphasized the importance of treating people, i.e., students and their family members, with respect and attention. The research indicated ways to communicate understanding and compassion. I want to address one that is of the utmost important: listening.

Being a good active listener is not a personality trait, rather it is a skill that can be learned and developed. We can all become better listeners.

Being a good listener will benefit you, your ministry and those you are ministering to. Being an engaged listener is the first and most important step in being a good counselor, in resolving conflict and in expressing compassion and concern. It communicates humility and respect. As a good listener you are able to gather complete and accurate information about a person or a particular situation as opposed to jumping conclusions. I have had staff members who gave a discipline notice and later had to retract it after discovering important information they did initially receive only because they did not take time to listen and ask questions.

Here are some specific actions to take to help develop your listening skills:

• Wait patiently while the other person talks. Don’t interrupt even if you disagree with them.
• Don’t try to have an answer for every problem they bring up.
• Keep your mind fully present and concentrating when others are talking. Give deliberate and persistent attention to another’s words.
• Eliminate distractions. Don’t answer your cell phone, text or look at your computer.
• Positive body language includes things such as regular eye contact, leaning forward slightly. Sit slightly to the side rather than directly in front of the person. This is less intimidating and confrontive.

Over ½ of what we communicate is through non-verbal communication

• Ask questions and make short statements that show you are engaged. “That’s interesting.” “I see.” “Tell me more about…” “That must have been difficult.”
• Make sure you know what the other person is saying. Repeat back what you think they are saying and to see if you are correct. Allow them to clarify if you aren’t correct. Ask questions if you don’t understand something.
• Be sincere. Genuine listening means suspending your memories, judgments and desires and for a few moments at least, existing for the other person.

Authentic listening builds a framework for respect. It lays a foundation on which conflicts can be more easily settled. Most importantly it communicates our love and compassion.
How do you like people to respond and listen to you when you talk? Do the same. Let’s see what is it that Jesus said about treating people like you want to be treated?

ENDNOTE:
This information is gleaned from the book The Peacemaker by Ken Sande. For a more in-depth study The Peacemaker is available through the Teen Challenge store at https://teenchallengeusa.org/store/living-free/small-group/the-peacemaker.