If you want to resolve conflict and develop conflict resolution skills and help our students to do so we must be willing to take the first step of evaluation. As followers of Christ we have a distinct advantage in this process – the Holy Spirit. Of course that means we have to be attentive to his guidance. He is there to guide us. We are not alone. May God grant you a reflective mind and heart, willing to hear the truth about ourselves.
- Ask these questions
- Who is involved? – specifically
- What is the source? – the cause
- What are the long and short term consequences if this remains unresolved?
- Reflection
When talking about conflict resolution the key place we need to start is by looking in the mirror. Do you find yourself at the center of conflict often? (Don’t answer that out loud!) If so, that is a pretty good indicator of the need for serious self-evaluation. It’s not because you’re surrounded by annoying people. Miserable people have miserable relationships.
Although, we still need to self-evaluate in every conflict. We MUST be willing to look at ourselves.
- What part do my words, facial expressions, behavior and actions play in this conflict?
- What do I need to take responsibility for and ask forgiveness for?
But I think it is very important to do some “pre-evaluation.” What are some of the precursors that are the underlying coal fires beneath, that are ready to spark and flame-up at the slightest annoyance? Here are just a few for consideration:
No-Peace with God
When the fires of sin and conviction are burning in a person’s heart and they are resisting surrender they are often miserable and it comes out in relationships. No peace with God results in no peace with others.
Repentance and surrender brings peace resulting in a much more tranquil attitude that produces healthier relationships.
The starting point — make peace with God
Negative Circumstances
As mentioned in the previous newsletter series (Dealing with Disrespect) a student may be experiencing any number of negative emotions, beliefs or attitudes such as anxiety, depression, anger, abandonment, etc. There may be situations that have transpired with family members, probation officers, etc. that we are totally unaware of. They may be going through spiritual struggles or doubts. Try to get to the bottom of what they are feeling. It may be totally unrelated to the conflict at hand.
Lack of Maturity
At salvation you don’t automatically handle conflict and stress correctly rather you will tend to handle it in the same way you did prior to conversion until you learn and develop the skills necessary to handle conflict in a positive healthy way. I had one tool, to get in your face and yell or whatever other behavior they have seen modeled learned from parents and others. So we take that tool away – OK now what? Give them a new tool and teach them how to use it and let them practice.
