I must preface this part of the discussion by saying, I know that you could be the best staff in the world, model respect perfectly, be Jesus incarnate and students would still show disrespect at times. However, I have been around long enough to observe TC staff exhibit attitudes and behaviors that create an environment where disrespect flourishes and grows. So we should examine our personal behaviors and practices and the culture of the ministry to see if we are doing things that bring out the worst in others. You cannot mandate or require that students respect you. I have known staff members who believed that was actually part of their job – to do things that antagonized students, to test them. I really don’t think the Holy Spirit needs our help in that way!

We know that we must teach our students to express respect to not only authority but all people. The absolute beginning point of a person’s ability to understand and express respect is the awareness of their sinfulness before a Holy God and their subsequent need of forgiveness, that is, repentance and salvation. Once this act of humility has taken place in the heart of a student it will be much easier for them to see their fellow human beings and authority in proper biblical perspective and thus live more respectful lives. That is the foundation on which growth in this area can be built. A student will then be much more receptive and responsive to teachings such as Obedience to Man. It is proper to train and confront expressions of disrespect. We will deal with that in the next article.

We need clarify the student’s responsibility and our responsibility. Salvation and training are important for the student, but we know that we cannot demand respect; we must earn respect. It will be much easier for students to express respect for you if they really feel respect for you. You can set rules that require external expression of respect from students but that does not mean that they   will automatically develop a heart and attitude of respect. Earning the respect of the students is our responsibility.

So what are some practical things that we can do to earn respect and thus diminish disrespect? Here are a few thoughts for consideration and application.

• Be careful to distinguish dissent-expressing disagreement with an idea or even a decision or an action -from disrespect-denying the dignity of a person by treating with contempt and rudeness. Disagreement can easily turn into disrespect so it is important to train students how to express disagreement in a healthy respectful way. Again, Obedience to Man is a good starting point for this. I think John Bevere’s book Honor’s Reward is another possibility.
• Swap shoes; seek to understand where they are coming from. They are bringing a lot of baggage with them into the program; legal issues, problems with parents, spouse, or their own children, just to name a few. Seek to understand their mind set and their culture. If you know where your students are coming from, you are in a better position to relate and communicate from a point of knowledge rather than assumptions. When we do this we will be more understanding and able to express compassion.
• Listen. You cannot know someone without listening to them. Ask open ended questions. Get to know them.
• Evaluate your own actions. Actions always speak louder than words, so make sure that what you say matches up with what you do. Any discrepancies will be noted by your eagle-eyed disrespectful student and may even be brought painfully to your attention.
• Demonstrate respect for all students. Set a tone of respect. Make eye contact. Call students by their names. Send clear messages to students that their opinions and contributions are valued. Try to speak and act the way you want your students to speak and act towards you.
• Prevent disrespectfulness by remaining calm, responding quietly, and maintaining self-control. Don’t allow personal comments to sink in. In time, students will learn that disrespectful behavior does not provoke you to anger.
• Commend your students. When you observe positive behavior speak up. We are good at correcting but not as good at encouraging positive behavior and changes. This lets them know you are paying attention. You will get more of what you notice and respond to (positive or negative). So look for and praise the good.
• Set clear rules. When you are fickle with the way you behave with the students and the way you enforce the rules students never know what to expect and become apprehensive and angry. Inconsistency between staff with the enforcement of rules is fertile ground for contempt. Students may not like rules but they dislike inconsistent enforcement even more. This applies not just to the written rules but also to the way we interact with the students on a daily basis.
• Avoid Sarcasm
• Develop a safe way for students to talk when they are having a problem.