In this series we are focusing on those crucial moments in our role as TC staff members; moments that challenge our character and resolve, moments that stretch abilities and faith, moments that grow our skill and experience. These moments are encounters with students or those associated with them that we must see as opportunities.

Dealing with disrespect is a challenge we all face in our relationship with students and in other relationships in our lives.

Root Causes of Disrespect
There are many different reasons that a student may express disrespect.  If we can evaluate causes maybe we can do a little “disrespect prevention,” so that we don’t need a “disrespect intervention.”

• Disrespect for authority is probably a given in a student’s life. Up until this point in their lives they feel there have been few if any people worth respecting. Hypocrisy, along with a lack of compassion and integrity, expressed by parents and others in authority is fertile ground for growing disrespect.
  • Do I know my students life experiences with parents and other authority and how he has chosen to deal with that?
  • Do I provoke disrespect by my lack of compassion and integrity?
• Disrespect may be something they have learned from their parents and they are simply modeling it. Dad or mom may have treated the other with disrespect. Parents may have openly disrespected bosses and others in authority.
  • Do I know how respect / disrespect were expressed in my student’s home life?
  • Are the students seeing respect modeled in my conversation and behavior?
• Harsh authority is a source of disrespect. Boundaries that are not clearly communicated with compassion breed contempt and disrespect. Correction or instruction given in anger does not foster respect.
  • Do I know my students life experiences with parents and other authority and how he has chosen to deal with that?
  • Do I express correction and instruction in a harsh uncaring manner? Are rules clear and consistently enforced?
• Disrespect expressed by a student may be initiated because they feel they have been disrespected by a staff member therefore they react with disrespectful behavior and words. The student may or may not have really been disrespected but, if they feel they have been disrespected it is real to them.
  • Do we have all the facts clear about the situation at hand?
  • Am I willing to take an honest look at myself and honestly confess any disrespectful expression?
• It may simply be that the student feels she is not being shown respect. She feels like no one is listening or paying attention and that she does not matter and her opinions don’t matter. She feels ignored.
  • Do I know my students history with regards to how she was treated by those closest to her?
  • Do I show respect by expressing, paying attention, and listening well?
• Students may show disrespect in order to look cool in front of the other students and distance themselves from authority. In other words, they don’t want to look the dweeb or the staff’s pet. They want to look the cool guy with the other students. They are finding their acceptance and self-image in the approval and friendships of the other students.
  • Does my student struggle with insecurity and is merely trying to be accepted by and fit in with others?
  • Have I discussed this behavior with the student and the importance of finding their acceptance in Christ and not others?
• Students may express disrespect out of frustration for demands and rules that seem too cumbersome or meaningless, or they think you have the rules there just to test them. It often takes time for a student to understand the rules and some may never fully understand them but, they can grow and learn to accept the authority God has placed in their lives.
  • Has the student gone through Anger and Personal Rights, and Obedience to Man.
  • Have I had a conversation with the student about their attitude and behavior towards the rules?
• A student may be experiencing any number of negative emotions, beliefs or attitudes such as anxiety, depression, anger, abandonment, etc. They may be going through spiritual struggles or doubts. Try to get to the bottom of what they are feeling. It may be totally unrelated to the disrespect they have expressed.
  • Have I talked with the student in an attempt to get them to be honest about what they are struggling with right now?
  • Do I take time to listen, ask open ended questions and pray with the student?
• Pride. Arrogance. Pure and simple lack of humility is an obvious root of disrespect. Has the student realized their sin and confessed and surrendered their lives to Christ? That is the absolute starting place to breaking pride. Until that is accomplished disrespect is sure to raise its ugly head.
  • Has the student surrendered his life to Christ?
  • Have we shared the gospel clearly so that the student understands his sinfulness before a holy God and the need for repentance and forgiveness?
• Other ideas. What do you think are other possible reasons a student may express disrespect?

Understanding the underlying root causes is foundational to getting a handle on helping students grow in the area of disrespect. If we can go below the initial expression and deal with the underlying causes for disrespect we can pull it up by the root rather than continually deal with the frustrating negative consistent attitudes and behaviors.

We will discuss healthy responses to disrespect in the next e-newsletter.

Think about it –
Use the points and questions above for a staff discussion.