“And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger; but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 (NASB)
“Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.” Colossians 3:21 (NASB)
Do these verses apply to us as TC staff members? Colossians 3:21 (TC version) “TC staff members, do not exasperate your students, that they may not lose heart?” What does that look like for us in our relationship to students?
Being a TC staff member is very much like being a parent. You want to be the student’s friend and mentor, but we know structure and clear boundaries are also required. My experience has been that most staff lean one way or the other, between either being harsh and overbearing or to the other side of being overly permissive and neglectful. We must work to find the proper way to relate to the students.
Harsh – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – -|- – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – Neglectful
Like a parent we are constantly trying to strike the balance of firm structure and loving kindness.
This could be a long series of articles on discipline, but for now let’s focus on “exasperate.” “Exasperate” means: “to provoke or to irritate, or to excite in a negative fashion, or to embitter.” It says if we exasperate them they may lose heart. “Lose heart” means: “to become disheartened to the point of losing motivation, to be dispirited or to be broken in spirit.”
Most of our students have been exasperated from their parents, authority, the church, society, etc. They shouldn’t be getting it from us. What are ways we can behave that may exasperate our students? Do a little brainstorming and staff discussion. Here are a few ideas on how we may be exasperating our students:
- Discipline in anger, excessive discipline
- Put down or belittle, critical, abuse verbally
- Hypocrisy; teach or correct for one thing, model something different
- Only talking to them to instruct or correct, not to encourage and bless
- Failure to listen to them
- Lack of compassion (especially when they are hurting)
- Neglectful attention, emotionally distant
- Unrealistic expectations or goals
- Showing favoritism
- Too many boundaries
- No boundaries
- Never admit when you are wrong
- Failure to keep promises
- Embarrass them in front of others
- Try to be their buddy
- Inconsistent discipline
- Weak authority
- Threaten to dismiss them all the time
- Question their salvation
A long list I know, but it could be much longer. Food for thought and personal reflection: May God grant us the strength of spirit character to be instruments of healing and grace.
Think about it:
- Where do you think you are on the scale above?
- Discuss this article and the list with other staff members. Consider other ways we may exasperate our students that are not listed.
- Choose one or two that you know you have a problem with. Not only set a goal to stop the negative behavior, but set a goal to put the positive behavior into practice (the opposite of the negative behavior).
- If you’re having trouble seeing an area you need to work on AND you’re brave, ask a fellow staff member or elder student for their input.
- Post your follow-up comments or feel free to post additional ways we may exasperate our students that come to mind.
- Make yourself accountable to someone for that area.
