Have you ever had a student tell you, “That’s not fair!”? I sure have, plenty of times. A student smokes and you handle him differently than you did the last student who smoked. Why?
Children raised in the same family with the same parents usually have completely different personalities. Even identical twins have different personalities, interests, and gifts. There are no two of us alike. We are all different. We have different life-experiences and different ways of processing those life-experiences. Plus, God gives us all different gifts and personality characteristics. To which I say, “Thank you, Lord!”

Because we are all different, what challenges one person will repel another person. A word of correction to one person causes them to become angry, ready to fight. The exact same word of correction will cause another person to cry. Because we are all different, we need to be dealt with differently. God knows us. He knows our hearts. He knows the specific needs of each individual and how to deal with us. He knows our past. He knows our future. He knows us better than we know ourselves. I love the message of Acts 17:26-27:

“And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their pre-appointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us” (NKJ).

Here is the message I see in this passage: God knew the best time and place for you to be born to have the best chances of finding Him. I would say He knows us pretty well! God treats us all as individuals. He convicts us differently. He guides us individually.

So it is with us and our Teen Challenge students. Like Acts 17:26-27, our goal should be to help our students find and connect to God. And for each student, that will look a little different. We must seek to work in conjunction with the Holy Spirit as He works in the lives our students. We need to be attuned to the varying spiritual states, attitudes and personalities and deal with them accordingly. We should not have a cookie cutter response for every situation with every student!

And from other students’ perspective, that will often appear “unfair”.

The Goal:

When dealing with students in disciplinary situations, what is it that we hope is accomplished? What is the purpose? What is the goal? Do we wish to punish them so that they suffer for what they have done? Do we want to make them an example so as to strike fear in the hearts of the students? Is our goal to get them to obey us and outwardly conform to the rules? Although in our impatience, we often wish students would just do what we tell them, we know that’s not our ultimate goal.

I believe our desire for our students is the same that God has for all of us. We want our students to know the Father, to be in a relationship with Him. That all starts with surrendering our lives to Him. I think the beatitudes paint the picture of the surrender needed for true life-transformation to occur, starting with “blessed are the poor in spirit” and “blessed are those who mourn” (Matthew 5:3,4). The realization of our emptiness, our need, our sin, our lack of ability to ever find an answer within ourselves is our starting point.
So it starts with owning our sin and taking responsibility for our actions.

• Yes, that’s me.
• No excuses.
• No blaming anyone else.

David models this heart posture perfectly in Psalm 51. “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise,” (Psalm 51:17).
The following Scriptures address this acceptance of our sin and repentance:

2 Corinthians 7:10
“For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death.”

1 John 1:8-9
“If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”

Forgiveness and transformation can take place only when this happens. Forgiveness – true forgiveness is provided for ONLY in Christ. We are to confess our sin before Him and receive His gift of grace and mercy.”

Luke 24: 46-47
And he said, “Yes, it was written long ago that the Messiah would suffer and die and rise from the dead on the third day. It was also written that this message would be proclaimed in the authority of his name to all the nations, beginning in Jerusalem: ‘There is forgiveness of sins for all who repent.”

Our desire is to see our students take full responsibility for their actions, humble themselves before God, and accept His forgiveness. This is the first step down the path of life-transformation.
We must always remember that it is the role of the Holy Spirit to convict the students (and us) of sin. That is not the job of the staff – so stop trying!”

John 16:8
“He (The Holy Spirit) will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment.”

Our primary job is to pray and seek God’s presence and work in the hearts and lives of our students.

So when working with the students in those times of confrontation, it is important that we remember the goal we really want to see and then ask ourselves, “Is the way I am handling this situation helping them accept responsibility and connect to Christ?” We cannot control how they respond, but we can control our actions and words in the situation. They may not respond as we hope, but may we not forget the true goal when discussing the situation with the student and when making disciplinary decisions.

Father, help us to honor You and do our part to reveal Christ to our students and help them know You.